Putting all our focus on “rehab” for long-term sobriety is about as smart as putting all our focus on “childbirth” for rearing children. While it is an important step for someone who chooses sobriety, it is foolish to think that a few weeks will have enough impact, let alone create enough momentum, to carry the addict through the long haul (hell) of the early sober months and years.
For starters, most addicts erroneously believe they have one major issue that requires attention—an overdrinking problem. Learning to drink responsibly is in the back of our mind, if we could just drink better our life would be fine.
The alcohol → the problem.
Its removal → the solution.
If only we could learn the technique of alcohol management then we could get back to our otherwise “functioning” life. We clearly do not recognize the magnitude of other unaddressed issues. Nor do we care to learn. The last thing we want is to give up alcohol—forever. We spend most of our early detox days figuring how we are going to make it “work again” once we get out.
For those who do decide to make the commitment to sobriety—and it is a commitment—few will survive if they don’t find support. Additionally, few will flourish in long term sobriety without continued support. It’s not that we are bad people. It’s that we don’t navigate well left to our own devices. For addicts, the consequences of our choices are high. We harm ourself, those who love us, and in some cases people we have never met.
Detox is important, rehab is important, education is important, fellowship is important, but continuing to grow as a person is equally as important. We don’t get sober and get fixed. We get sober and then continue to work on self. The reality of the situation:
Me and how I’ve chosen to function → the problem.
Commitment to personal growth → the solution.
(We don’t like this solution. Nevertheless, it is the solution.)
No one is binding me, shoving booze down my throat. I’m choosing it because I’m too scared to be without it. I’m so afraid of what or who is living inside me that I drink to avoid facing me. I drink to avoid feeling my life. And because I don’t know me I need to drink to deal with you. Because I don’t know you, I don’t know how to deal with you either. And to top this whole project off I am physically addicted to alcohol. This means, I need alcohol to do the simple, basic tasks. You don’t know this so I hide my booze. I hate the hiding, but the pain of hiding is not as bad as the pain of facing me, so I continue to drink and lie and hide and deceive. And this all becomes sadly normal, sickly necessary, and completely acceptable.
This, this you cannot undo in 30 days. I’ve been sober for nine years and I’m still unraveling my thinking. I say this with pride and authenticity. I don’t drink no matter what happens and I commit to growing—every single day I am alive!
I have used many tools to get and stay sober: 12-step, life/recovery coaching, marriage counseling, and psychotherapy. I still use all of them, not because I’m thinking about drinking but because they help me learn how to live an incredible life. And this life I will not trade for any cocktail.
There was no quick fix for the problems I had. There was a little work … every day … toward a goal I said I wanted to achieve.
There is no quick fix for the problems you have. There is a little work … every day … toward a goal you say you want to achieve.
My mission: Outreach, recovery coaching, and education to addicts who choose to be sober, but struggle finding their identity (aka their happiness, purpose, fulfillment) within the context of a sober lifestyle.
Coaching is one avenue, not the avenue!
A qualified coach can help you make a 180° change in the trajectory of your life.
Recovery coaches are not paid sponsors. We are educated, trained, and accredited through the International Coaching Federation (ICF). An accredited ICF coach conducts them self within The ICF Code of Ethics, as well as, The ICF Core Competencies